


So Long, You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone

by STARSdidathing



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Avengers Feels, Bucky Barnes-centric, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fake Character Death, Feels, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Loki (Marvel) Angst, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Really Character Death, Not Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, Ouch, POV Multiple, Poor Loki (Marvel), Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 21:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13039830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: Sometimes, the safest place for someone to be is dead, but that doesn't help all the people who are told that Tony Stark has been killed and have no idea that it's a lie.





	So Long, You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone

**Author's Note:**

> So. This plot idea was in my folder from like, July last year and somehow _by accident_ something inspired me to open the document and write it yesterday. So, um, yeah. Have a fic? Also, have a fic in a weird-ass timeline where the Avengers are actually a thing and we like everyone. Odd. 
> 
> Hope you like! :)

“Rogers, tell Barnes to go!”

“What? What’s going on?”

“He has the files, _get him out of here_.”

“Stark-”

“Just go!”

* * *

Tony knew that the most important thing was to get the HYDRA documents that they’d come for, it was the sole reason why he was so deep into the compound. Bucky had been his watcher as he cracked the codes and downloaded all the information onto a USB. 

Tony had been injured during an ambush. Tony had demanded he be left behind; someone could come back for him once the data was safe.

No one expected the base to explode.

No one expected that Tony _wouldn’t_ somehow make his way out of the smoke and debris with a quirked smile and a sarcastic quip.

But there was nothing. Tony didn’t make it out of the HYDRA base and the team was forced to retreat on Steve’s order to get the data safely back to Avenger Tower, and to make sure that they didn’t lose any other members of their team.

Bucky watched the whole thing quietly; standing back from everyone in the quinjet and seeing the way they tried to fight their grief with minimal success. Bruce had his face in his hands, silent tears sliding down his cheeks while Clint wrapped an arm around the scientist’s shoulders, his own face tight with repressed grief.

Natasha was sitting away from everyone, but Bucky had heard her whisper a prayer in Russian, her eyes had been closed and her voice steady but the words had expressed her sorrow and had forced Bucky to look away.

Thor and Steve were standing together, Thor’s hand on Steve’s shoulder as he murmured something, likely an attempt to lessen Steve’s guilt and speak of Tony’s sacrifice and honour. Steve’s shoulders were still slumped and it made Bucky want to reach for the other man and offer comfort.

But he didn’t. He stayed where he was, separate and silent.

When Fury checked in to ask about what had happened using video conferencing software, Steve had explained, in short, rough sentences. Fury’s eye had widened and he didn’t speak for a long moment. He looked, for the first time since Bucky had known him, as if he was struggling to keep himself under control.

“Head back to the tower,” Fury said softly, sadness impossible to miss in his voice. “The debriefing can wait a day.”

He ended the communication soon after and nobody said a word as the jet took them back to Avenger Tower on autopilot.

It was only when they landed that Natasha broke the quiet to murmur, “Someone has to tell Loki.”

Tony had been dating the demi-god for almost five months and while no one had been happy about it, the relationship had kept Loki out of mischief and mayhem on Earth so in the end, everyone had decided to tolerate it.

The look on the team’s face said that none of them wanted to break the news to the mage.

Thor answered in the end with his eyes closed and his head slightly bowed. “When he returns from his travels of the realms, I will tell him.”

There was nodding and soft agreements before Bruce made a jerking gesture and said with a tight voice, “I’m going to go to the lab. I’ll have...” he closed his eyes. “I’ll need to tell Rhodey and Pepper.”

“No, I’ll do that,” Steve disagreed. He then swallowed thickly. “It was my command and I told Bucky to leave.”

“Tony ordered me to leave,” Bucky corrected, speaking up for the first time. “He knew what he had to do.”

The words didn’t seem to comfort anyone, it just made Bruce swallow down on a pained sound before walking to the lab. Steve followed after him and Clint and Natasha were quick to head off together, leaving just Bucky and Thor.

The thunder god came over, placing a firm hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Stark was a brave warrior and he chose a path that will take him to the golden halls of Valhalla.” He hesitated before squeezing Bucky’s shoulder. “You are not to be blamed... but you will need to avoid my brother in the days to come.” Bucky glanced over at him, seeing Thor’s tight expression. “Loki does not respond well when filled with grief.”

“I thought he wasn’t serious about Tony?” Bucky questioned with a slight frown.

Thor’s smile was small and sad. “The Avengers may think so, but I know my brother, Barnes. Loki will not handle the loss of Tony Stark well.”

He squeezed Bucky’s shoulder in one final, parting comfort before walking away. He left Bucky alone in Tony’s penthouse where he looked at the various bits and pieces of Tony’s life and the small hints of Loki that had been sneaking their way inside.

It made Bucky’s mouth tug into a painful grimace as he remembered some of Tony’s last words to him:

_“Stark, I can’t just leave you here! What about the team? What about **Loki**?”_

_“The team will survive and Loki’s not going to care. I’m just a fling to him, okay? He’ll get over it soon enough.”_

_“Stark-”_

_“We don’t have time for this! You need to get the information out of here and if you won’t do it, I’ll make you - Rogers, tell Barnes to go!”_

The memory hurt to think about; the desperation in Tony’s eyes, the way a blood-stained hand had shoved the USB into Bucky’s metal one - the knowledge that Tony was right but that Bucky didn’t want to go through with it. 

It also made Bucky think about who would turn out to be right about Loki’s reaction. He wasn’t sure which would be worse, that Tony had read his lover right and that Loki didn’t care for the engineer the same way Tony did. Or that Tony had been wrong and Loki would be heartbroken, angry and wanting to avenge Tony’s death.

One way or another, someone was going to get hurt.

Bucky just wished he wasn’t the one standing here feeling responsible for the grief and unable to explain what had really happened and why it had to be this way.

He wished Tony wasn’t so good at influencing others and proving to them why his way and his reasons were _right_. It wasn't like Tony was the one weathering the current fallout.

Sighing, Bucky turned away from the penthouse and made his way to the elevator, heading down to his rooms and hoping no one would try and see him. The last thing he wanted to do was offer awkward comfort to anguished friends.

The last thing he wanted to do was break his promise to Tony and ruin the orders and mission that the engineer had given him.

There was simply too much at risk if Bucky failed.

* * *

It took three days before Loki returned from space and by that point the Avengers had announced Tony Stark’s death to the public.

The outpouring of grief had Bucky feeling uncomfortable and guilty, but it was nothing on what he felt when Loki walked into the living area of tower with an irritated scowl and asked them, “Where is Anthony?”

The team had been having dinner, more inclined to stay together than drift apart after Tony’s loss.

They had all frozen at Loki’s words, looking at the mage with wide eyes as he impatiently looked around the room, growing increasingly perturbed by Tony’s lack of presence. Thor was the first to move, standing and walking towards him slowly.

“Loki,” Thor began, his voice gentle yet full of compassion and sorrow.

That single word was all it took.

Loki went stiff and his eyes widened. Bucky knew that Loki had always been good at masking his expressions, but his happiness with Tony had been easy to see - even if some of the Avengers had ignored it, wanting to cast him as nothing but a villain. It was impossible to do that now. The devastation, the pure _pain_ that cut across Loki’s face made the mage look as if a part of him had just been ripped out and destroyed. He was pale and his breathing didn't seem to be coming out as evenly.

“No,” Loki whispered, his voice almost too soft to hear as he stared at Thor, his eyes begging for the thunderer to tell him he was wrong.

Thor just kept moving closer until he could rest a heavy hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Brother, I am so sorry.”

Loki’s mouth opened and closed for a moment, grief leaving him at a loss before–

“Ten days! I was gone for _ten days_! How could you have let something happen to him!” His words were shouted as he slapped his hands against Thor’s shoulders, trying to shove him but barely making Thor stumble.

“He died with honour, Loki,” Thor continued, holding Loki’s agonised gaze. “He sacrificed-”

“Sacrifice?” Loki hissed. “ _Honour?_ You stood back and watched him _die!_ ”

“He wished to protect his world, Loki,” Thor continued, unmoved, his other hand moving to rest on Loki’s neck. “He was a brave man who did what was right. He was a hero, Loki.” His voice softened as he held his brother’s gaze. “And I am _glad_ that he spent these last months so happy with you.”

Loki seemed to freeze before a faint trembling overtook his body. There was still rage in his eyes but it was frenzied as he tried to direct it at Thor. His hands coming up to try and hit his brother as he spat fury-filled words in Asgardian. 

Thor just caught his fists and murmured words back in soothing tones, his eyes pools of empathy and sorrow. Loki continued to yell at him, until Thor said something that seemed to cut Loki’s strings. His hands fisted against Thor’s shoulders and his head bowed, his forehead not quite leaning on the thunderer’s shoulder. Loki’s body was trembling again, his breaths coming out slightly hitched as if he was either holding back tears or trying to smother the noise of the ones that did fall.

Steve was the one who finally broke the stunned quiet. He silently gestured at the rest of the Avengers to get up and leave, his expression flickering to Loki with nothing but sadness and compassion. No one said a word as they all quietly stood and left the room, leaving Loki to have no further witness to his grief but that of his brother.

Thor sent them one brief, grateful look before turning his attention back to Loki. Thor placed a hand on Loki’s back, trying to sooth him. Loki just proceeded to punch Thor in the chest again, hissing curses and accusations once more (“ _you let him die!_ ” the words repeated and only coming out more wounded and raw) all while Thor continued to offer himself as someone for Loki to take out his anger and pain on.

Unbidden, Tony’s words came back to Bucky, said with a tight expression that was trying to mask his hurt under a flippant, dismissive tone: “ _Loki’s not going to care. I’m just a fling to him, okay? He’ll get over it soon enough.”_

Bucky wished Tony was here to see just how wrong he truly was.

Bucky wished Tony had known enough to adjust the mission accordingly because Bucky felt physically sick as he walked away from Loki, leaving the mage to suffer over the death of his lover.

* * *

The truth though was simple, and the reason behind why they did it even more so.

Tony had found the information they needed but he’d also discovered extensive plans by HYDRA to assassinate him; plans that were far too close to succeeding. Killing Tony was the start of the first domino and taking out the rest of the Avengers and SHIELD would swiftly follow. It was brutal, it was _brilliant_ and they had a small chance to do something about it, but only if HYDRA didn’t have a target.

“I need to be seen as dead,” Tony told him, gritting his teeth as he looked at the computer screen. “Everybody needs to believe it.”

Bucky’s lips had pursed. “You want to fake your death.”

“Best way to ensure I don’t _actually_ die. Besides, the specificity of my death means that their plans will be fucked if I go down in an accidental hero’s sacrifice. We have a chance, but only if we do it this way.”

The logic was impossible to deny. “Right. So how do you want to do this?”

“Only you and JARVIS can know. That way everyone’s grief and anger is real. We were never close and people know you can hide your emotions like the best of them.” He shrugged, even while letting his fingers fly over the keys to gather further Intel. “This way, JARVIS and I can work on things in the background, feed you the information that you’ll use to, heh,” he flashed a grin over his shoulder, “avenge me.”

“Wait,” Bucky was staring at him with faint horror, “you want the team, your _friends_ , to believe you _died?_ ”

Tony tensed a little at the thought, but he still ploughed ahead. “You’re going to leave me here and the base is going to blow up.” He made a few more clicks on the keypad before he was pulling out the USB and offering it to Bucky, his hands still stained with blood from the battle as well as his own, minor injuries. “It’s the only chance we’ve got. Make everyone believe it, including the media, Bucky. That’s the job you’ve got to do if we want to keep HYDRA from winning.”

“I can’t just-”

“You _can_ ,” Tony growled, shoving the USB into Bucky’s hand. Tony’s eyes were wide, desperate and running on adrenaline and the numerous plans he was already concocting. “So get the hell out of here.”

“Stark, I can’t just leave you here!” Bucky argued. “What about the team? What about _Loki?_ ”

“The team will survive and Loki’s not going to care.” Tony’s eyes skittered away on the words, his tone trying for dismissive but the pain of that still flashing across his face. “I’m just a fling to him, okay? He’ll get over it soon enough.”

“Stark-” Bucky tried to argue, but Tony wasn’t having it.

“We don’t have time for this! You need to get the information out of here and if you won’t do it, I’ll make you.” Tony’s eyes were fierce and unwilling to compromise. He put his hand to the communicator that had been muted during their argument. His eyes held Bucky’s even as his voice shifted. It was now even more of an order, but one that barely hid an imaginary pain, “Rogers, tell Barnes to go!” 

“What?” Steve asked, sounding worried, “What’s going on?”

“He has the files,” Tony continued, his voice coming out strained even as he started gesturing for Bucky to follow him out of the room, “ _get him out of here_.”

“Stark-” Bucky tried once more, but Tony glared at him.

His voice this time was a whip-crack demand. “Just go!”

Bucky grit his teeth but gave a harsh nod and Tony finally smiled at him, slipping a small device out of his pocket and handing it to Bucky. He mouthed ‘ _communicator_ ’ before he was dashing off in a different direction to Bucky and leaving him to head towards the entrance, the team, and the lie he would need to help Tony craft.

He really hoped that Tony knew what he was doing and that both the Avengers and Loki could understand why Tony had done it, and why Bucky had allowed himself to go along with it.

* * *

Bucky didn’t see Loki for two days after he found out, but he knew the mage was in the tower - or, more specifically, in the penthouse. Bucky honestly didn’t want to imagine what the other man was doing and how much grief was being expressed behind closed doors in a place that was full of Tony’s things.

The point though was that on the third day, Loki reappeared, walking into the communal kitchen quarters where everyone was having breakfast. His face was completely blank and he was wearing his battle armour. 

Steve had been the first one to react. He was standing behind the breakfast bar and his voice was gentler and friendlier than it had ever been before. “Loki. Would you like anything to eat or some tea?”

Loki flicked his eyes to the captain. “No.” He looked over the occupants of the room before turning back to Steve. “I want to destroy the people who killed Anthony.”

There was a long moment of silence before Natasha remarked, “It wasn’t a person, it wasn’t even an organisation.” Loki turned his attention to her, prompting the spy to explain. “The HYDRA base exploded which means-”

“You misunderstand me,” Loki interrupted, his voice unexpectedly polite. “You were there to stop an organisation that has plagued you for years. _I_ intend to destroy every last member until nothing is left but blood and rubble.” 

It was only towards the end of his words that his mask slipped slightly, just enough to see the pain, rage and grief that hadn’t yet been tempered, it had merely turned into a sharp focus on his goal; avenging Tony. His magic even crackled slightly as he clenched his fists.

“I intend,” Loki continued, “to finish what Anthony started.”

Clint, much to everyone’s surprise, was the first person to speak. He stood up from where he’d been sitting and said firmly, “I’ll help with that.”

A single blink was Loki’s only show of surprise, but when each other member of the Avengers agreed to join Loki in his campaign, a small level of the mage’s tension seemed to dissipate and he nodded at the room in general before turning to Bruce. 

“Dr Banner, if I may have your assistance with the information Tony recovered from the base.”

“Yeah, we’ll go down to the lab,” Bruce agreed standing up and moving to join Loki.

The stilted motions, the glaring and distrust for Loki, it all seemed to have evaporated under the single shared sorrow of losing Tony. If it wasn’t so painful, it would be ironic that it took Tony’s death to make his friends and his lover work together and finally put aside their differences and their past. 

The situation just made Bucky’s attention drift back to his coffee. He’d already received two coded communications from Tony since his death, but he wasn’t able to contact the engineer in reply. All he could do was watch as JARVIS told the Avengers about the additional documents Tony had managed to find while in hiding, claiming it was his own hacking that had uncovered it.

All he could do was watch as everyone walked around the tower with pained eyes, remembering Tony in every inch of the home he had built and forged for them.

Bucky found himself hoping that Tony didn’t have to stay dead for very much longer.

* * *

Unfortunately, they weren’t so lucky. HYDRA was proving difficult and despite Loki going on more than a few terrifying demolitions of HYDRA bases, Tony simply wasn’t able to reappear yet.

It had been a week since Loki had encouraged the Avengers into an all out war on HYDRA and Loki had done his best to avoid being alone with Bucky during that time.

Bucky had started to believe that it would continue that way until he’d been heading to his rooms and found Loki outside his door late one night. Loki was in casual clothes and Bucky swore the other man had been toying with an Iron Man gauntlet before he’d disappeared it.

They had stared at each other for a long moment, Bucky unsure what to do and waiting for the mage to make the first move.

“You were there with him,” Loki eventually stated.

Bucky nodded slowly not needing any further explanation. He did feel his tension rise, abruptly remembering Thor’s warning, even if Loki didn’t look particularly hostile towards him - yet.

“Did he...?” Loki clenched his fist as he trailed off, looking away and seeming to struggle with what he wanted to ask. It made a part of Bucky ache for an entirely new reason

_(Loki’s not going to care. I’m just a fling to him, okay? He’ll get over it soon enough.)_

“He talked about you,” Bucky found himself telling the other man, making Loki snap his attention to him. Bucky had to choose his next words carefully, knowing that Loki would be able to ferret out any lie. “Everyone knew he cared a lot about you,” Bucky settled on, knowing it for the truth even if Tony had never admitted it aloud. “It made sense you were on his mind.”

A small, sad smile crossed Loki’s mouth and his eyes briefly closed, his body slumping ever so slightly. “Thank you, Barnes.”

Bucky didn’t get to say anything else before Loki was teleporting away, likely to spend even more time walking around Tony’s penthouse, grieving in the best way that suited him - including the hollow pleasure of knowing that Tony was thinking about the mage in his final moments; thinking of him fondly, even.

It was certainly better than learning that Tony had assumed Loki didn’t care much about him.

The thought made Bucky run a hand over his face before stomping into his room and shutting the door.

“JARVIS,” Bucky barked, knowing the AI would understand him what with his playing a similar part in Tony’s fake demise. “Give me some good news.”

“I apologise, Sergeant Barnes, but there is little of the kind to be had.”

Sighing, Bucky accepted it for what it was: Tony still wasn’t able to come back yet.

 _If he isn’t back within a week_ , Bucky swore, _I’m running off to go find him._

He couldn’t stand the constant pain anymore. Bucky just wanted to drag Tony back into the tower by the hair, thrust him into Loki’s arms and shout; _he’s not dead! He loves you too! Now do something about him being an assassination target so he doesn’t ever have to do this again!_

Bucky was fairly sure that at this point, JARVIS would even be willing to help him.

* * *

In the end, Tony was dead for a month.

They had recently arrived back from destroying a HYDRA base and killing or capturing their personnel. They were all sitting in the common area, including Loki, when JARVIS suddenly announced, “The HYDRA commander that was killed today had devised a series of plans to tear down the Avengers.”

A collection of images flickered to life in the air in front of them, _familiar_ images, things that made Bucky stand up straighter as something hopeful rushed through him.

“These plans hinged on the ability to cast doubt on the Avengers through the death of one of their most influential figures,” JARVIS continued.

“Tony,” Steve said softly and with pinched eyes as he looked at a grinning image of the engineer surrounded by the outline of the assassination plot. 

“But he was killed before they could enact it,” Natasha surmised, flicking through the information.

Bucky, being the only one who wasn’t pouring over the information, was able to see the new person in the room as he quietly approached, a month of keeping a low profile having done wonders for his stealth.

“Yeah, well,” Tony remarked to the room, making everyone’s head snap towards him as he grinned, “not exactly.”

He was a little worn around the edges; his hair looked a bit greyer and his goatee was now a beard. The clothes weren’t his own and were slightly baggy, only further pronouncing the weight that he’d lost. He was still smiling, glad to be back, glad to be able to drop the charade. Tony lifted his hand at them and started to wave, but he barely managed to raise it before Loki was suddenly in front of and clutching him.

Bucky saw Tony’s eyes widen for only a moment before Loki was cupping Tony’s cheeks and pulling him into a desperate kiss, one that Tony instantly responded to. The way that they clung to each other was both touching and heartbreaking. There was so much hurt, longing, relief and apology in each motion and movement that Bucky almost felt as if he should look away.

“I thought you _dead_ ,” Loki hissed when they pulled apart, his eyes intense on Tony’s face.

The engineer just looked sheepish and was biting his lip in a nervous smile. “Um. Sorry?”

Loki looked like he wanted to say more, his eyes narrowing, but Bruce beat the mage to it, snapping out, “ _Sorry?_ ” with such accusation that Tony pulled away from Loki just enough to be able to look over the trickster’s shoulder to see his friends.

His grimace had deepened at seeing the fury and shock on everyone’s face. He gave them a hopeful, charming smile and suggested, “ _Really_ sorry?”

It looked, for a moment, as if Bruce – as if _no one_ – would accept it, but then Bruce was letting out a rough breath and coming over to Tony.

Loki looked as if he didn’t want to let Tony go but he stepped back, allowing Bruce the ability to pull Tony into a tight hug. The rest of the team were quick to do the same, holding him close, hitting his shoulder or the back of his head as they cursed and cried in equal measure. Loki, for his part, didn’t move far from his lover as a hand stayed tightly clenched in Tony’s shirt.

“You get why I had to do it, right?” Tony asked, looking at them all, his gaze lingering on Loki’s tight, closed-off expression. “They were too well positioned. I couldn’t risk it.”

“Barnes knew, didn’t he?” Natasha worked out, quickly inspiring numerous accusatory glares in Bucky’s direction.

He just gave his own apologetic smile and shrugged. “Someone had to help JARVIS keep anyone from finding out.”

“You rigged the base to explode,” Steve murmured, looking at Tony with lingering frustration that was mostly overwhelmed by the happiness that Tony was actually _alive_. “You needed to keep a body from being found.”

Tony smiled tightly. “HYDRA needed to believe I was dead. It meant it had to be convincing.”

Thor let out a laugh that was almost painfully relieved and he clapped both Loki and Tony on the shoulder, his eyes were slightly watery as he smiled at them. “I do not care how often a death has been faked these last years, I will always be grateful to see the illusion removed and the people I care for returned.”

He then tugged them both into his arms for another tight hug before pulling back and looking at the other Avengers. “Tonight we will celebrate! But for now,” his eyes flicked to Loki before back to the team, “I think we can allow my brother and his partner some time alone.”

There was quick agreement as long as the two men promised to join them for dinner. The moment Tony agreed, Loki was teleporting them out of the room and likely up to Tony’s penthouse.

Of course, that did leave Bucky facing a room full of Avengers more than willing to take out their emotions on _him_.

Bucky just held up his hands in pre-emptive surrender. “I tried to argue the idea from the start, do _not_ blame me.”

The glare Steve was sending Bucky made him think he very much _would_ be blamed and that he still had a lot of explaining an apologising to do. But he supposed it was a small price to pay for having Tony back and for feeling the oppressive misery-induced weight in the air finally disappear.

He only hoped that Tony was doing okay a few floors away and that he was able to convince Loki to forgive him for everything the engineer had put him through.

* * *

When they landed in the penthouse, the first thing Tony did was turn to more fully face Loki and apologise again, “I’m sorry, Loki, but I-”

“Why did you not _tell me?_ ” Loki hissed, barely contained anger in his voice. He let Tony go if only to start pacing. “You tell that treacherous soldier, but not I! I, your _lover!_ ”

“I told you, it had to be _bought_ ,” Tony explained, trying not to let his exhaustion prompt irritation. Trying to push down on the desire he had to just shower and curl into Loki’s arms and _relax_ for the first time in weeks. Loki had every reason to vent his rage at being lied to and it made Tony try to calm his voice, “If you had been with me instead of Bucky, I would have crafted the plan with you. Hell, if I had of known you’d arrive back on Earth during the ruse then I would have had him tell you.” Tony tried a smile. “I could have used the magical help.”

The smile didn’t seem to work. Loki was still glaring at him as the mage snarled, “You allowed me to _grieve_ for you."

His voice was low, almost guttural and he was still keeping himself slightly apart from Tony, looking betrayed and hurt.

Tony couldn’t stop his incredulous look, nor his response. “Um, excuse me? Pot calling the kettle black? _You_ fake your death all the time!”

“Not since we became lovers!” Loki snapped.

“Oh, and what difference does that-”

Loki let out a sudden growl and stepped forward, grabbing Tony’s shirt and yanking him close, making Tony’s eyes widen as he stopped himself mid-sentence. 

“Do you not know how much I care for you?” Loki demanded, his voice raw. “Did you not think that hearing you had been killed might pain me?” The stunned look on Tony’s face quickly made the mage realise it _was_ news to Tony and Loki reared back slightly, shock in his eyes and his voice becoming quiet and hurt, “Do you think so little of me, of our relationship, that you assumed I would not _care_ that you had _died?_ ”

Tony reacted instinctively, bringing his hands to cup Loki’s cheeks and run his thumbs soothingly over the other man’s skin. Loki acted as if he wanted to pull away, but only for a moment before he simply slumped into the touch and pulled Tony closer, their foreheads coming to rest together

“Loki,” Tony whispered after long, silent moments had passed, “you told me that this was nothing serious. What else was I meant to believe?”

“I _lied_ ,” Loki hissed, sounding irritated; an almost petulant scowl forming. “I am _known_ for it.”

It actually made Tony laugh even as he shifted to lightly brush their mouths together. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony told him, meaning his supposed death, meaning not understanding Loki’s deception and the mage’s true feelings. 

Loki just let out a rough breath before snaking his arms around Tony’s waist. 

“You will _never_ do this again,” Loki told him, the grip he had on Tony almost tight enough to hurt. “ _Never_ , or so help me, Anthony; I will be feeding you an apple of Idunn by the end of the week.”

Tony found himself chuckling and kissing the mage once more. When he pulled back, Tony suggested, “How about you start with sticking around some more and making sure I don’t get killed?”

Loki stilled slightly, his mouth having moved to Tony’s jaw. “You wish for me to reside in your tower?”

“You have been for the last month, right? And besides,” Tony nuzzled Loki’s cheek slightly, “just because I wasn’t sure how much you wanted to stay, it didn’t mean I didn’t want you here more permanently.”

Tony felt Loki let out a long breath against his neck, almost sagging with relief. His next words were almost a threat, if he didn’t sound so relaxed, “I will not let you out of my sight for months, Anthony.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Tony told him, before suddenly brightening. “Like, how about you join me in the shower? Keep me in your sights while you help wash my back?”

Tony felt the other man’s smile as he pressed it to Tony’s skin. “Happily.”

And even though they did pull away slightly and head to the shower, Loki continued to remain close while constantly touching Tony in some way. When they were in the bathroom, Loki kissed him like a starving man. Loki held him in the shower, just seeming to want to be close without a sliver of space between them. 

When Tony was clean and shaved, Loki laid him on the bed (unmade and smelling like Loki had slept there every night since Tony had been gone) almost reverently, kissing Tony's skin and tutting slightly at seeing the weight the engineer had lost. Loki healed his scrapes and bruises with barely a thought and when Loki finally pressed inside of him, it was the most _loving_ experience they’d shared in all the months they’d spent together.

He also pulled Tony close when they were finished, not even reacting when Tony shifted a pillow only to find one of his t-shirts shoved underneath it. Loki just held his gaze unflinchingly as Tony swallowed thickly at the implications behind why Loki had placed it there (to hold close, to remind him, to close his eyes and faintly smell his lost lover).

When Tony pushed it back under the pillow, Loki finally moved Tony into the position he wanted so that Loki could lie with his head on Tony’s chest, resting right over Tony’s steadily beating heart. The gesture made Tony’s whole body ache and he brought one hand to run fingers through Loki’s hair while the other went to soothingly rub Loki’s back.

“I really am sorry, Loki,” Tony told him softly. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

He felt Loki shift just enough to nod before brushing a kiss over Tony’s chest; affection and understanding in one motion. It allowed Tony to fully relax against the bed, letting out a soft breath.

Tony knew that he would still have to make it up to Loki and to his friends. He also knew that they would need to get out of bed and go down to dinner in an hour or two, but for now he was just glad to be safe, to be _home_ and to have his lover wrapped around him.

...And if a few months later--after everything had calmed down, after Loki had been living in the penthouse since the night Tony returned--Loki _did_ offer an apple and Tony _did_ find himself eating it - well, who was really going to complain about Tony being safe from death for a hell of a lot longer than even he had expected?


End file.
